Entering 2017 with less.

Minimalism. Something i’ve always had an interest in, but never really attempted because I never thought I’d be able to commit to it. However I think im actually going to try this year.

As it is Christmas time, or just gone, I have realised this year that im okay with not getting much. This is new to me because even though it’s embarrassing to admit, I would always get annoyed or angry when I didn’t get what I wanted or, a lot of things for Christmas. I turn twenty years old in May and in my second year of university I have really come to terms with adulthood and especially the financial side. Transitioning from a teenager to an adult is probably one of the hardest points of your life, especially financially. However even though iv obviously picked up on this throughout my first couple “adult” years, I have chosen to ignore it in a way and continue to..

“spend money I don’t have on things I dont need.”

I recently watched a documentary on Netflix called Minimalism: A documentary about the important things. I really recommend it to everyone! It really re-woke my inspiration to give it a try. Now I cannot see myself all of a sudden throwing everything away and wearing the same outfit everyday, but I can see myself slowly clearing out the things in my life that are no use to me. I think I will make videos documenting my progress and upload them to Youtube. I will probably start this in February as I will be spending all of my January hours on Uni work, unfortunately.

I am really excited to start this journey and share my experiences. Please stick around if you would like to read more about minimalism.

-Alisha x

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Trying to be positive..

My whole life i’v been a very negative person. As a kid I would always talk about death a lot and I was and still am pretty bad at making friends. I guess I never thought much about it and just assumed it was normal, but I noticed that things got to me much easier than they should. It could be something as simple as, getting something wrong at work and then it being resolved and nobody else even remember it. But I will think about it for weeks after and feel like shit.

My emotions now have developed into a very similar cycle. I will be fine cruising by and then all of a sudden I will have a mini meltdown about what im doing with me life and have a few days just being depressed and grouchy about everything. Then I will watch a load of YouTube videos and try and make myself a bit better, convince myself I can be creative and useful if I want. Write a blog post maybe, decide im going to start a YouTube channel (I actually really do want to do this) but then never do because I lack inspo. Then I will go back to my everyday slobbing about and the cycle will go again. Its a really bad routine iv accidentally got myself into and I want to try and change it.

I’m very good at catastrophic thinking and self sabotage and I really hate that fact. I need to ween myself off this diet of negativity. Don’t ask me how, I haven’t really got that far but I guess that’s next. The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one. This is me, Alisha, saying “I have a problem.” And I am going to fix it.

-Alisha
p.s  My tumblr is wkd so check it out.. Click here

 

Drinking solves everything.

I think a lot about why i’v never had long lasting ‘real’ friendships. And yet I still haven’t managed to fully come to a conclusion.

I’m 19 and I spend most of my days watching movies and eating food that is really bad for me, ino most people say this but its actually all I do. I also spend a lot of time on tumblr posting depressive shit, the thing is i’v kinda started to spiral I lot lately. Which could be a major reason why I am writing, because I think I only ever become inspired to write when im down. I come home from my flat in the city of my university a lot more recently. Mainly because I cant afford to eat and pay my bills on the income I make, but also I think subconsciously because I’m always on my own there and at least at home i’m forced to be around people. Even if it is only my mother and annoying as fuck younger sister.

I often think about how different me and my sister are, maybe its because im the oldest and I didn’t really know how to be a daughter. But she, even if extremely chavy, can actually talk to our mam about stuff. Emotions and whatever. I have never been able to express anything to her, or any family members really. I cant remember ever saying “I love you” and even trying to tell her id started my period was a nightmare. So as you can imagine, if my lack of friends don’t already suck then the fact im not too close to my family doeskin make things any easier.

In fact the whole friends thing hit hard the other night and was literally sparked from a sarcastic snapchat reply, weirdly. So my obvious solution was to get really really drunk and after the first half a bottle of wine I messaged this guy I have the weirdest and probably quite fucked up relationship with. (Not romantically) Got in the shower, shaved and went to have more drinks with him and his/my mates. (Hes my cousins best friend, my cousin doesn’t know about ‘us’) So yes, a drunk fuck would make my life whole again clearly.

But after the pub shut and we decided that going to the park and getting high was a good plan I had this massive come down where I just literally wanted to kill myself. It was god damn horrid and when it got to the point where everyone was parting ways I had to choose a place to stay, chose the guys place obvz. But still in the spiraling, intoxicated, depressed state I was just like look ino its canny obvious I planned on fucking you and stuff may have happened while everyone took a toilet break (classy ino but it was pretty ‘wild’ in the moment) but im so upset I just cant.

To be totally honest im not sure he was even badly pissed off but drunk me decided it would now be too awkward to stay here so did the amazing 1 hour walk in the freezing cold with shorts on to my cousins house. During said walk, I messaged him a bunch of times apologizing, which really pisses me off! Because I should not have felt that guilty, which I think really shows a lot about how feminism needs to be voiced. Anyway, ended up badly and I think I said just to be clear that I didn’t like him like that and just because I want to watch hsm* with him, we were deffo just friends. Well he wasnt responding by this point and I guess im not sure if he hates me or like likes me and therefore felt kinda subconsciously hurt by my last message but I doubt il find out. Until of course I get really drunk and message him as per. I hate myself. (ps. ino its more likely the first one but a girl and dream)

So yeah, I managed to screw even more shit up in the end and I still feel no better, even worse probably about everything.

*High school musical 

 

Travelling update and EU “crisis”

So the results came in today for the referendum and I voted to stay in the EU but apparently a lot of people didn’t. Of course I was pretty disappointed and worried but there is nothing I can do about it so its best to try and just make the best of what is going to happen over the next two years.

Anyway I realized that because of this, travelling around Europe is going to be more expensive than ever and so I have decided on something else for the mean time. I am currently looking at trips to Australia to work and explore at the same time. I found the GAP360 trip to down under looked very good and not too pricey either. The trip consists of a week holiday period, making friends and enjoying all sorts of activities and overall just relaxing. Then they help you secure a job and you just go from there really. You can look at the full details here –> Absolute Oz working holiday

I am really motivated to make this happen because I really feel like a break is needed when all I’ve done is stay in education since I was three years old. If you think about it, you spend nearly half your healthy years in education and I don’t think its really all that healthy. I will still be coming back after the year and finishing my degree but I think it will be a great experience. I am going to try and be more active on my blog and maybe even start creating some YouTube content, but I really want to start making the most of what skill I have this next coming year.

-Please stick around, talk soon.
Alisha x

Will anything actually change?

Hey, so what I write about are usually things that bug me or I feel passionate about. Basically you will never see me write an article with the heading “2o facts about me” for instance, because that’s just not me. No offence to people with that kind of style though. So something I always think about is my life and whats actually going to happen.

I’m currently in my first year of University and although I love it, I also really have the urge to just drop everything and get a ticket to anywhere other than here and start a new life. Unfortunately im not sure i’d last very long haha. Maybe it’s because iv been in education for all my life now and it does get very boring. Like, why must we slave away for 21 years just to do something we enjoy. Bit fucked up, is it not?

Either way I have this massive feeling once I graduate im going to feel both relieved and underwhelmed. What the fuck am I doing to do after this? I’m not even sure I want to become a broadcast journalist, hahaha. (What im studying btw) I have no clue what I want to do with my life and that’s coming from a university student. So if you’re sat reading this in secondary school, don’t worry pal, you have forever to decide that and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

I have a part time job until the end of Christmas and I definitely could not hack the full time normal day job thing. I feel like working in a shop all my life would just steal my soul and slowly kill me. That’s why I really need to finish University. I just really don’t want to be 60 years old and regretting wasting my life.

Now if you’re still reading then I applaud you because this is probably really fucking boring. This post doesn’t really have a point or a solution but hey, who knows, I might have more thoughts and maybe more interesting ones to come. So if you to follow me that would be appreciated haha.

ps. Sorry for the bad language if that offends you.