My whole life i’v been a very negative person. As a kid I would always talk about death a lot and I was and still am pretty bad at making friends. I guess I never thought much about it and just assumed it was normal, but I noticed that things got to me much easier than they should. It could be something as simple as, getting something wrong at work and then it being resolved and nobody else even remember it. But I will think about it for weeks after and feel like shit.
My emotions now have developed into a very similar cycle. I will be fine cruising by and then all of a sudden I will have a mini meltdown about what im doing with me life and have a few days just being depressed and grouchy about everything. Then I will watch a load of YouTube videos and try and make myself a bit better, convince myself I can be creative and useful if I want. Write a blog post maybe, decide im going to start a YouTube channel (I actually really do want to do this) but then never do because I lack inspo. Then I will go back to my everyday slobbing about and the cycle will go again. Its a really bad routine iv accidentally got myself into and I want to try and change it.
I’m very good at catastrophic thinking and self sabotage and I really hate that fact. I need to ween myself off this diet of negativity. Don’t ask me how, I haven’t really got that far but I guess that’s next. The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one. This is me, Alisha, saying “I have a problem.” And I am going to fix it.
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